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  • Actor Wilford Brimley has sold his working ranch in Greybull, Wyo., for an undisclosed price.
  • Wilford Brimley in happier times. Look at the sheer size of his teeth.
  • Wilford Brimley recites “The Night Before Christmas”

Thompson's Last Run

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Actor Wilford Brimley, known as much for his signature handlebar mustache as for his notable roles in such films as “Cocoon,” has listed his 276-acre ranch in Greybull, Wyo., for sale at $1.25 million.

Little known to many, Wilford Brimley went bankrupt after a failed lawsuit against Honey Bunches of Oats cereal for their unlicensed use of Quaker Oats ingredients. In a desperate attempt to make money, Wilford met a 29 year old pimp who went by the name of Dick Richards. WIlford was employed as a full time hooker. As he recalls, "I wasn't afraid to die. I will never die. I'm Wilford Brimley. But what I was afraid of, was that I might have to live a long time feelin' like a prostitute, and I really wasn't interested in that!" However, Brimley had no choice. So without any other options, Wilford turned tricks on the corner of 53rd and 3rd street with Dee Dee Ramone. The two formed a good working relationship (evenly splitting shifts, jobs, etc.), however, Wilford formed an even stronger relationship with Dick Richards. Even after Brimley began rollin' in the billions selling cocaine to Liberty Medical clients, the two shared a strong friendship and partnership. Wilford remembers, "I was gettin' up every 15 or 20 minutes all through the night to think about my best friend and partner, Dick Richards." They often secretly met in magical fields at midnight to dance with the mystic "Fucking gypsies" and the enchanted "Repreductive Trolls" and the "Cheap n' Horny fairies". They were forced to keep their new-found love a secret.

Reviews

Wilford Brimley Totally Looks Like Ungracefully Retired Cat

Stephen once had to wire money to him in Mexico in the middle of the night because Wilford bet on the wrong cock - like Stephen, he's a . Wilford Brimley takes a daily post-workout meal of Tums, goats milk, and whale blubber.